For context, I’m a 17 year old M, so legally, I couldn’t have been raped, but I feel cases like mine should override that.. that is, if I’m not in the wrong here. I’ve been told I am so I’m not sure. I’ve never written this down in so much detail but here goes:I struggled with substance abuse a bit, thankfully not too much but I used weed every day, alcohol often, and xtcy in heaps, all to help my mental health, putting on that it was just for fun. So, I’m going to a sleepover with my friend (A) and her friend (J), with the plan of xtcy and a joint for a good night. I had previously slept with A but we seemed to conclude that friends was a better option, at least I thought so. We had dinner, went to get snacks, and on the way back home we took the pills. I didn’t like dinner too much (very fussy eater) so I hadn’t eaten much that day. I guess that would be why the xtcy hit me like an 8-wheeler and all of a sudden I saw the bright lights of heaven. I felt it more than I had before. But soon those lights were put out along with all my memories. I can hardly recall a thing until the point of smoking the joint. By then, the xtcy was wearing off but when we lit up it came back more intense than ever. So, now onto the point of my question; the incident. Sorry for all the context. We went to bed just after the joint (J had to light up to sleep that’s why we did) and A went in the same bed as J. Very shortly after, however, she came into my bed and started to cuddle me. My head was spinning from the drugs and I think I just held on to the nearest thing. Next thing I know, she’s pulling me upstairs. I’m stumbling, unable to walk or even see where I was going. Who was taking me, or why I was there. Now we’re on the couch. Something is on me. It’s her. Now she’s kissing me. Now she’s unbuttoning my pants. I was almost completely soft down there, and even when it went in her mouth not much changed for a long time. I was just stuck staring at the ceiling, feeling somewhat good, but mostly feeling nothing in my mind or body. I suppose once I was now hard, she climbed on me. I’m pretty sure she asked if she could, not sure what my response was or if there was a coherent reply from my dribbling mouth but I did feel it go in. I couldnt feel what I’d felt before in sex. All I felt was my eyes sliding back, and my dick inside her, but again, it just wasn’t how I’d felt sex before, it didn’t feel right. I couldn’t move, and all I could see was myself, in a dark void. Viewing her through a screen displayed in front of my floating frame. I attempted to mutter the word no. But as sure as I was and still am of my success of that word leaving my mouth, it did not stop. And the chains that grasped my arms ever so firmly would not let go.Eventually, I became soft, and she just tried to continue, but to no avail, so of course she had to lead me downstairs again. Not sure how I made it down but I suppose I did. I woke up to being cuddled, and I heard the words: “I’m so happy you’re my boyfriend now”. I guess I really was out of it. Taken aback, I didn’t say more than 5 words until I left that house, never daring to re-enter.It took me a week to really remember what happened. Longer to remember more. But I carried on feigning our friendship as a way to deal with what happened. After all, something can only be a big deal if you make it one… yeah, that mindset is horrible and didn’t work. The flashbacks got so bad that I had to eventually tell her I couldn’t be friends after what happened. Her response runs in my mind almost every day:“Oh my god I am so so so sorry you feel that way”My response was simply confusion, later asking how I can just FEEL that way. Now this prompted a flurry of hurried responses.“Fuck I’m sorry”“Shit”“I’ll buy you anything I can’t afford to lose more friends” (I said no).“I can’t believe I did this to someone”And then she repeated the first point after she had calmed down. “I’m sorry you feel that way”. I ended the call, and we didn’t speak for a long while. I drunkenly told my friend what had happened, and my story unfortunately got out. She told everyone I lied. She told them I wanted it and initiated everything. This ended in a police investigation. I gave my statement but what can I realistically do about this? Her friend, J, was awake downstairs and allegedly heard everything but I’m not sure he would come forward and I don’t think asking is fair on him, and I’m afraid that even with J telling the truth to the police, that the lack of J being an eyewitness (only hearing what happened) would be an issue. I’m not great with the law. Anyway I’m sorry for such a long story, and if anyone reads all of this I hope it was coherent and thank you so much. via /r/rape https://ift.tt/Bmq04GQ
No comments:
Post a Comment