I’ll try my best and not let this get too lengthy while still providing context. 1st love was very significant as I never thought anyone could love me growing up in a very hard environment. So needless to say I fell hard for this girl in hindsight put up with lots of emotional & financial abuse. I paid all our bills, worked 2 jobs while doing fulltime college, we lived together, she never worked (she claimed mental health and I liked providing for her to be happy) and one week after I bought her a first car and after 4 years of dating like a married couple, I was waiting at the cinema on Valentines Day for her after work and text her to see if she was on her way. After no answer for a while I called and again no answer. Then I started getting FB messages from the ex of them in bed doing the deed, the next 24 hrs no matter how many times I blocked he found a new way to send me videos and taunt me to delete myself, like it was some sick game he’d won (I had no idea he’d sent a couple msg req while we’d been dating but out of my ex wishes I’d always just rejected and ignored them) within a month she was pregnant.She came from a poor family and so had never been out of our state our 5 year anniversary I had planned on using the crypto money I had made (160k) to buy a globe and surprise her and ask her where she wants to live and get married and start a family. I ended up blowing this all spending 2 years not working travelling and backpacking the world even did Ayahuasca with monks in Peru trying to find answers but I could never even get angry let alone stop loving her so it didn’t help either. I’ve also spent thousands on therapy & self improvement camps like the ManKind project but I really feel like my 25 years have taught me what my gut told me as a kid is true and that nobody can love me. It sucks bc I’ve spent my entire life trying to prepare to be the best husband and father I can just on the 1% chance but I think I’m ready to quit trying and go live on a farm by myself. Was wondering if anyone can relate or has advice. via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/seaiJNG
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